Archive for category marriage
I saw the curve of her jaw, the way her lips rested together, the tension in her forehead that smoothed out as I continued to look. We were matched, eye to eye. I noticed the red rings, the puffy places under her bottom lashes. She’d been crying.
As the gaze lingered, under the spotlights of being seen, something shifted in her eyes. She was basking in being seen as much as I relished doing the seeing. It felt like forever since we’d done this. I had missed her, missed noticing her actively, instead of just passively hauling her around my life.
Eventually, I broke the spell when I stepped back from the mirror by the back door. I flipped off the light, picked up my towel, and went outside to the hot tub.
Last week I cleared out my checking and savings accounts, plus my sock drawer stash. Then I handed over that thick stack of twenties, fifties, and hundreds in exchange for money orders to pay my tax bill.
That’s what I called myself. A married-to-a-man polyamorous Queer grrl.
After I came out as queer, I met the guy I would propose to and marry. I was queer, yes, but I fell in love with a person with a penis. He was more “girl-like” than my current female partner, in that way that gender is fluid and nonspecific and the spectrum is wide.
So we married, and were polyamorous, mostly because I couldn’t commit to being monogamous with him and foregoing my female sexual attraction. We spent nearly a decade together, and I have no regrets. Eventually, I chose to leave our poly family, and after doing so found the woman with whom I intend to spend many years and decades. My former husband and I are very close friends, and falling in love with, and marrying, a man helps me with empathy and makes acute my sense of injustice that now, NOW, that I’ve met the partner who is right for me, most of these United States won’t allow me to marry. Ironic.